Emotional Intelligence & How to Build this Skill
How do you handle emotions at work?
We have emotional reactions to change, problems, and different situations in life and the workplace. These emotional reactions can be complicated. Even when we logically know that a business decision is the right one, we can experience a lot of resistance and emotional turmoil because of that decision. The emotions can come from old hurts, old triggers, or more frequently, the natural grieving process that comes from change.
To learn more on how you can deal with emotions at work, check out my interview with Authority Magazine where I go into detail about emotional intelligence.
Selected Content from the Interview
Can you help explain a few reasons why Emotional Intelligence is such an important characteristic? Can you share a story or give some examples?
When making business decisions at work, we can experience a lot of resistance and emotional turmoil because of a decision. The emotions can come from old hurts, old triggers, or more frequently, the natural grieving process that comes from change. These emotional reactions can be complicated. Most frequently, I see emotional flare ups when changes are made. Leaders announce a change without realizing the potential for triggering intense emotions and then there’s a huge productivity dip because of this emotional reaction and resistance to change. The more leaders can understand why changes or decisions might trigger an emotional reaction or resistance, the better we can get at communicating changes, coaching people through their reactions, and getting teams back to productivity faster.
Would you feel comfortable sharing a story or anecdote about how Emotional Intelligence has helped you in your life? We would love to hear about it.
Every time that I enter into a coaching session with a client I use emotional intelligence. When my clients are short with their answers or seem distracted, that becomes the first indicator for me that they might be experiencing some emotion. I don’t have to know what the emotion is to recognize that it is there. I usually take a deep breath, adjust my tone, and invite the client to share what might really be on their mind behind what they have already shared.
Can you share some specific examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help a person become more successful in the business world?
All our business outcomes are ultimately people-driven. People purchase products, write your marketing materials, talk with your customers. So we need to shift our thinking from a business first mindset to a people-first mindset. It’s not just about running a machine faster, you have to create an environment that is conducive to growth, safe to ask questions or raise alerts, and inspires creativity and innovation. Innovation comes from happy people.
Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have better relationships?
We have relationships everywhere in life — at work, home, school, and out in public. Building emotional intelligence is a skill that can be applied to all areas of your life. It might take effort to transfer that skill from a work environment to a personal relationship, but you can do it. As you start to notice that you’re able to identify that someone is having an emotional reaction, call that out for yourself. “I am building my emotional intelligence.” The more you acknowledge the skills you’re building, the better you are able to start transferring them to another situation.
Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have more optimal mental health?
As you improve your emotional intelligence, you’ll naturally start to realize that someone’s reaction to you isn’t always about you. When we aren’t taking things personally, we’re less likely to blame ourselves for a particular outcome or emotional response. That blame, when repeated over time, can really hurt our mental health driving seeds of self-doubt, self-sabotage, and more. This isn’t a quick fix for mental health, but it can help.
Ok. Wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you recommend five things that anyone can do to develop a greater degree of Emotional Intelligence? Please share a story or example for each.
These are 5 steps to build more emotional intelligence immediately in the midst of a conversation or situation involving someone else:
When someone says or does something that triggers an emotion in you: take a deep breath in through your nose, and slowly out through your mouth out before responding. This simple action can keep the chemicals in your brain in check, and allow you to make a thoughtful and supportive answer, rather than become emotional yourself.
Stop and think about how the situation makes you feel.
Name the emotion you are feeling. Giving it a name gives you some control. It also slows you down, which gives your Executive brain the chance to work to shift your response to the situation.
Now, try to recognize the emotions in the other person. Could you name the emotions that you see or thing they are expressing?
Be cautious before making assumptions: you don’t know the whole picture yet. The best way to understand where someone is coming from, is to ask. I know, talking about emotions is scary. Try something like: “I’m hearing a sense of urgency or frustration that I don’t understand. Help me get on the same page as you.”
